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Improving Your Relationships by Loving Yourself

Love yourselfLife is a series of relationships. Success in life is dependent on forming and maintaining successful relationships.

Some of life’s relationships are

  1. Relationship to ourselves – how we feel about ourselves – are we confident, self-assured and worthwhile or are we weak, defective in some way and a waste of space. Relationship to self, impacts all other relationships.
  2. Personal relationships – relationship to our family, significant other and friends
  3. Work relationships – relationships with customers, managers and fellow employees
  4. Relationship to the world – is the world full of opportunities and a friendly place or is it a dangerous place in which you struggle and fight for everything

The very basic relationship that affects all others is our relationship to ourselves. If you do not like yourself this will show in your behaviour and will affect how you connect with others. When we do not love ourselves or in fact hate ourselves we become very negative and let’s face it who wants to hang around with negative people.

Our understanding of who we are is formed in childhood. We understand who we are by observing how our family interacts with us. If they are loving and supportive and affirm that we are good and valuable, then we tend to see ourselves as such. On the other hand, if you are constantly put down, neglected, told you are stupid and that you will never amount to anything we tend to see ourselves as that and who could love somebody like that.

These example represent either end of the spectrum and most people fall somewhere in between.

If you want to improve your relationship with yourself, here are 5 ways to do it.

1. Affirm yourself
When you don’t believe that you are good enough you tend to constantly seek compliments from others. You have to hear it from outside before you believe it. The interesting thing is you already know you did good. If you didn’t you would not risk asking somebody else to confirm it. Trust yourself.

You constantly seeking compliments is a turnoff for most people. Make a list of what you have accomplished and give yourself some credit. Recognise the good that you have done. Let it sink in and you will be less reliant on other to validate you as a person.

2. Body Language
Good posture and eye contact is a sign of confidence and others pick up on that. You also pick up on that subconsciously and it can literally change the way that you feel. If you slouch and constantly look down, you are communicating to yourself that you are less than those around you.

This is an active choice on your part and if practised habitually can lead to self-respect and confidence increasing for you.

3. Exercise, eat healthy and practice good self-care
Showing love to your body is loving yourself. Being fit physically improves our moods and our health. Eating right gives us energy and helps our bodies to function at its best. As a result, we feel good about ourselves. People around us will pick up on these positive feeling and will be happier to be around you.

Self-care includes any intentional actions you take to care for your physical, mental and emotional health. It encompasses such things as having good hygiene, dressing well, having time off, dealing appropriately with stress and in general looking after yourself. Practicing this makes you more desirable to be around.

4. Create something.
Creating something that is wholly yours is self-love.  It is an expression of yourself. Creating something can be as easy as doing something you love better than everyone else. It brings a sense of accomplishment and pride in what you do.
You are unique and you have something valuable to offer to others. You just need to find it. People favour being with somebody who can enrich their lives.

5. Be self-aware.
Start looking at yourself as a whole person and not just concentrating on your weaknesses. Everybody has weaknesses, but they also have strengths. Where you tend to focus impacts how you feel about yourself.

It is wise to know both your strengths and weaknesses and play to your strengths.
What things about you are different and unique. These are the things that make you who you are. There are things that only you can do in the way that you do it and that is a strength.  Find out how to use that strength to your advantage.

If your uniqueness seems to make you a little weird, don’t feel bad about it. Embrace the weirdness. A lot of great people where considered to be a little weird by others.

Loving yourself involves accepting who you are and what you want to be. When you’re in the place where you love yourself you ready to start giving everyone else more reasons than ever to love you too.

Need help with loving yourself? Call me on 07 34581725.

Regards Tracey

(c) StartPoint Counselling 2016

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