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If You Deserve Something Why Don’t You Have It?

It is common to hear people complain that they work so hard, try everything that they know but can never seem to get ahead. Asked if they deserve to succeed, they say of course they do. But if that is true why don’t they have what they want?

We can be convinced logically that we deserve good things in our life but on a deeper level we don’t believe it. The result is us not experiencing the very things that we logically believe we should have.

Fortunately, there is a way to overcome this situation, but effort is required.

FIRSTLY, IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM

Admit it

  • Most people say that they deserve the best of everything but in fact don’t believe that

  • Deep down there something that says no you don’t

  • We need to be honest about that, and that’s difficult

  • Try looking in the mirror looking yourself in the eyes and say you are a worthwhile and deserving person. What comes up for you? Do you feel comfortable saying that? Be honest; you have to be open to see the truth.

  • If you are missing out constantly in your life, at some point, you have developed the belief that you don’t deserve to have things.

What makes you think that you are undeserving?

  • What qualities or characteristics make you believe that you are undeserving?

  • Write them down

Find out where your belief originated

  • Look at your list

  • How long have you had these beliefs?

  • Can you think of a time when you first were told what you believe by someone outside of yourself?

  • Most of these things are rooted in the past

Past regrets need letting go

  • The past is a period of time which is fixed in stone. You cannot change it.

  • Mistakes that you have made opportunities that you have missed cannot be changed.

  • The main purpose of the past is for us to look at it and learn from what we have done and what’s happened to us.  Armed with that information, we can make changes in the present moment and stop those things from happening again in our future.

  • Every decision that we make, and the actions that we take based on those decisions, occur because you are trying to do the best that you can with what you have at the time and what you know at the time.

  • Certainly looking back from where we are in the present moment we can be critical of things that we have done or believed in the past.

  • Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but hindsight is based on our current knowledge and wisdom.

  • You are a different person in a different place than where you were a couple of years ago. Please don’t judge your past shelf harshly; you did not have the benefit of what you have now.

  • Certainly, if it’s possible to make amends for what you’ve done in the past then do so, but mostly you can’t do anything.

TIME TO CHALLENGE THE PROBLEM

 

Look around yourself

  • Looking internally and feeling that somehow there is something about you that makes you undeserving is fairly deflating and it is easy to want to give up.

  • Have a look externally.

  • Pick out some people who have what you are desiring and ask yourself are they more deserving than you?

  • In fact, there are people in the world who are successful regarding material assets, but they are also known as thieves or con men.

  • These people can hardly be classified as deserving based on who they are, but that doesn’t stop them from having things. Obviously, they see things differently to you.

View yourself from somebody’s else’s perspective

  • We are way harder on ourselves than we are on someone else. We are the worst critic possible when it comes to ourselves. We are harsher than anyone else will ever be.

  • We need to step outside of ourselves and see if we can view ourselves as someone that we are supporting through whatever it is we are experiencing.

  • Would you be as critical as you are with yourself with them?

  • Think of the things that you would say to them to encourage them and then say them to yourself.

Stop making comparisons

  • Comparing yourself to other people is one of the most dangerous things that you can do because quite simply it is discouraging and causes us to overlook the things that are worthwhile in ourselves.

  • Every single person on this planet has a set of skills and a purpose in life. Most people never work this out.

  • Our combination of talents is unique to ourselves.

  • How can we possibly compare ourselves to someone else?

  • By looking at what somebody else does and saying I wish I could do that to will blind you to your talents.

  • The only person that you can compare yourself to truly is yourself.

  • Look at your life day by day and ask yourself “Am I better than I was yesterday?”

  • Then ask yourself “Am I better than I was a week ago?” and so on.

  • The great secret here is less instead of looking how far you have to go and feeling like you’re falling short, you are looking back to where we came from and realising how far you have come.

  • Looking how far you have to go, can be discouraging. Realising how far you have come is encouraging.

Separate reality from fiction

  • The expectations that you have of yourself have largely been implanted in you by other people.

  • Your parents may have had ideas of what you should achieve in your life, your schoolteachers would have had ideas of what you’re capable of achieving in their opinion, and there are other authority figures that put expectations upon us, and we accept those as well.

  • Are your expectations realistic? If there’s one thing that unrealistic expectations do it is cause you to believe that you are a failure. Striving to achieve expectations that cannot be achieved leaves you feeling a sense of shame and shame is very toxic.

  • It’s only when you understand your unique combination of talents and what you’re meant to be doing with those, can you really get a sense of your self-worth.

  • Nobody else knows what it is you really should be doing with your life, only you do. You need to set your own standards and let go of those standards which have been set by other people.

Stop feeling selfish

  • Feeling selfish when it comes to having things that you deserve steals from you the things that are rightfully yours.

  • Just because you deserve something doesn’t mean that somebody else doesn’t also deserve it. It’s not like if you get it, no one else can have it.

  • We need to honour our own needs and desires first. If we look after ourselves first, if we emphasise ourselves first then we are in a far better place to help others. Having resources allows us to be less selfish towards other people

Need some help with this process? Please contact me on 07 34581725.

Next post part 2 – Moving Forward (changing your deserving level)

(c) Tracey Janke – StartPoint Counselling 2017

07 3458 1725 / 0409 272 115

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