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The Third Horseman is DEFENSIVENESS Defensiveness is a self-protection mechanism which comes out in the form of moral outrage or evoking a sense of victimhood in an attempt to fend off a perceived attack. People often become defensive when they believe they are being criticized (First Horseman of Toxic Communication). Defensiveness is a way to push the problem away but it never helps to...
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6 Ways to Beat the Stress of Uncertainty

Uncertainty is something that we experience individually first, but then it affects our relationships as our anxiety and frustrations grow. Whatever I can change on an individual level will bring about a change on a relationship level as well. How I am coping is not just my problem, but it becomes an overall problem for my relationship. Uncertainty is not only an individual problem but also ...
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The Second Horseman is CONTEMPT Contempt is the actions that convey the sense to another that they are worthless or beneath our consideration. It shows up when we make statements that come from a position of us being morally superior. Some good examples of this are name-calling, mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling and degrading or hostile humour. Contempt is regarded to be destructive an...
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The Gottman Institute talks about Four Horsemen, which indicate that a relationship is starting to fail. It’s worth being aware of these Four Horsemen and know how to counteract them as they creep into your relationship. Once they get a hold, then frustration, anger and resentment follow them. The earlier that they are addressed, the easier the transition back to a satisfying relationship....
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Who Am I?

Who Am I? While life follows a safe routine day-to-day, and I know what I'm doing and what's likely to happen, I have a certain degree of security and an idea of who I am. However, life is currently changing, and we are not quite sure where it can end up or indeed, how it is going to look. This brings with it a great deal of uncertainty. When we strike uncertainty, we are left with h...
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Is This the Most Controversial Post I Have Written?

We usually associate grief with the loss of someone close to us. However, grief is also related to the loss of anything that you love such as a relationship, employment, family roles, or anything else that defines who you are as a person. The advent of coronavirus means that many things in our society have changed. Some people have lost jobs resulting in a loss of their sense of who they are. ...
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How to Avoid Destroying your Relationship during Lockdown and Quarantine

You have two choices in this time of lockdown. It can be a period of significant growth for your relationship, or it can be a period of great struggle. To date, our relationships have survived well because we can have time outside of the family home. We go to work, and we have hobbies which allow us to have a time of separation from our partners. However, in the current lockdown enviro...
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Lessons Learned on Holidays Contain the Power to Revolutionise our Relationships

Without the pressure of work, regular family routines and other responsibilities we relax and start to engage in different activities. Some of these activities result in improved self-care and improved relationships. if only you could take these benefits back into your non-holiday life and reap the benefits.  Well you can and I explain how in this short 3-minute video (C) StartPoin...
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Moving Out of Your Comfort Zone Safely

To achieve the things that you want in your relationship or your personal life, you will need to move out of your present comfort zone and make some changes. Moving out of your comfort zone is never easy as it feels unsafe and in general "Yuk". THIS STEP WILL MAKE IT EASIER.  www.startpointcounselling.com.au 07 3458 1725
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Relationship Killers – the Misunderstood Enemy

The killers lurking in your relationship disguise themselves as something far less dangerous than they actually are. As a result, we often misunderstand their power until it is almost too late. I am talking about what is referred to as personal problems such as anxiety, depression, anger, alcohol and other addictions etc. These are readily characterised as individual problems when in fact they...
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