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How Normal Can Create a Relationship Problem

When I'm having a conversation with somebody, there is one significant thing that gets in the way if I'm not careful. Because I experience life looking from the inside out, I am aware of everything that I think, everything that I feel and everything that I see. I am a product of my environment which consists of the family I grew up in, everything that's happened to me in life, and what sense I ...
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Expectations – the Power to Build or Destroy a Relationship

Nobody does anything in this life without starting with expectations about how it should work. From the moment that we get up in the morning until we go to bed, we are constantly having expectations about our day. We expect that we can get to work without having an accident, we have expectations about traffic conditions, expectations about how much work we can get done in the day and so on. Des...
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What Creates Change and What Kills it

There are three phases to time as we know it. There is the past, the present and the future. The past is what has happened, it is set in stone and you can't change it. The present moment is the very moment that we are in now and then there is the future which basically hasn't happened yet. In the present, we can choose to make changes. We can't change the future because it hasn't happened...
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Three Steps to Making Change

There are three parts to making a change.   Firstly I need to believe that I CAN. Without believing that I CAN, obviously, I cannot. I need to be in a place where my beliefs at least support me starting on the journey.   I WILL is me making the choice to change. Not just knowing that I can, but making a positive decision that I will take the actions I need to take. Saying I...
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What do you want in 2019?

We are now a few days into 2019 so the enthusiasm of the start of the New Year is probably waning a little bit and the cold hard truth that this is just another year is starting to set in. Same old, same old. But you can change that if you want to. If you want this to be a different year you need to take the first step and clearly define what you want in 2019. I don't mean just some sort of gen...
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How to Get Unstuck and Out of the Rut

I am going to show you how we get stuck in patterns or as people often say get stuck in a rut. Once you understand what I am about to share you will also start to understand how you can become unstuck. Every human being has belief systems. Our belief systems develop over our lifetime. It starts with what we learn from the family into which we are born. When we move out into the world, our belie...
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How to Painlessly Communicate What You Want and Need to Your Partner

Identifying what it is that you are looking for in your relationship is a good first step because most people don’t do this. While they don’t clearly define their expectations, on some level, they’re aware that they’re not getting something met in the relationship. This is what I call unspoken expectations. By making a list of what you want in your current relationship those unspoken expectations ...
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Dealing with Christmas and New Year Overwhelm

Christmas and New Year seems like a demanding time of year. There are presents to buy, food to organise, the house to prepare for visitors or travel to be with family and so on. There are so many things that you must focus on. With this, all comes the feeling of overwhelm, exhaustion and the inevitable change in your mood. The key thing to understand at these times is that we are the most power...
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Resolving the Impact of the Past on Your Relationship

In a relationship facing difficulties, it is common that each partner believes that the other partner is largely responsible for the issues that they have. This is often heard in phrases like “if only you could” or “if only they didn’t” then things would be better. The idea that one partner is heavily contributing to the relationship problems is generally based on the belief that we are normal and...
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I Love My Partner, But I Am Not in Love with Them

I love my partner, but I am not in love with them, is a common statement that I hear during my work with couples. What exactly do we mean when we say this? The first thing we need to understand is that the word love has multiple meanings and the way we determine what love means is from the context in which it is used. For example, I can use the word love three times in a s...
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