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I Love My Partner, But I Am Not in Love with Them

I love my partner, but I am not in love with them, is a common statement that I hear during my work with couples. What exactly do we mean when we say this? The first thing we need to understand is that the word love has multiple meanings and the way we determine what love means is from the context in which it is used. For example, I can use the word love three times in a s...
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Do This First If You Want a More Fulfilling Relationship

It is very difficult to arrive at a destination if you don't know where you are going. If I gave you a box and asked you to deliver it to a town out west, you wouldn't simply accept that. You would want to know more details including the name of the town, the street, the street number and to whom you were delivering. However, when it comes to the things that we want in our relationships, we tend ...
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Are Smartphones Damaging Your Relationship?

Smartphone usage is becoming an addiction for many people. So much so that there is now a term for it "Nomophobia" which is the fear of being without a mobile device or out of mobile contact. The addiction exists because of the reinforcing effect of smartphone usage. Compulsive dependence on smartphones appears to deliver a dopamine hit for the brain and dopamine is closely connected to the mo...
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When Late Becomes Too Late

April was a sad month. Some couples came to see me in the hopes of repairing their relationship, but they have left things to go to the point that extensive damage has occurred in their relationship. You cannot leave arguments, resentment and bitterness to build in a relationship without it poisoning that relationship. A word readily used to describe this is a toxic relationship. No matter what th...
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How to Stop Re-occurring Relationship Problems

You are born into this world into the arms of your parents (caregivers). Your parents will be your caregivers, teachers, coaches, providers, and protectors until you are ready to leave home. They respond appropriately to you ensuring that your needs are meet both physically and emotionally. As you grow, you use this secure base to explore the world and become independent. You grow into an adult wh...
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Five Stages of a Relationship – Which one are you at?

  Ellyn Bader, Ph.D., and her husband, Dr. Peter Pearson, are founders and directors of The Couples Institute and creators of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. I have found their model very useful in helping couples to understand the basis of their relationship issues. The Development Model shows relationships going through five stages. The stage that you are at indicates ...
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The Danger With the Same Word Meaning Different Things

The English language contains words which sound the same, but have different meanings. For example, the word "there" and the word "their" sound the same but have 2 different meanings. Other words in the English language can have various meanings. An example of this is the word love. If somebody says they love another, the meaning of love could encompass erotic love through to companionship lov...
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Why doesn’t Your Partner see Things the Way You do?

It is so frustrating when you can see a solution to something or view a particular situation in a different way to your partner and they just don't get it. This type of frustration is the foundation for many an argument. There is almost a sense, that since you can see things clearly, that your way must be the right way and they should get that. I often come across this in my practice. People fi...
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14 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

 Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. Most people believe that they are communicating with their partners when in fact they are only talking about everyday surface topics. Conversation in a relationship can indeed include this, but also needs to encompass the deeper levels involving our emotions. Because opening up on an emotional level makes us vulnerable and carries a level o...
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