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Communication

HOW TO HALT THE FOUR HORSEMAN OF TOXIC COMMUNICATION – Part Three

The Third Horseman is DEFENSIVENESS Defensiveness is a self-protection mechanism which comes out in the form of moral outrage or evoking a sense of victimhood in an attempt to fend off a perceived attack. People often become defensive when they believe they are being criticized (First Horseman of Toxic Communication). Defensiveness is a way to push the problem away but it never helps to...
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HOW TO HALT THE FOUR HORSEMAN OF TOXIC COMMUNICATION – Part Two

The Second Horseman is CONTEMPT Contempt is the actions that convey the sense to another that they are worthless or beneath our consideration. It shows up when we make statements that come from a position of us being morally superior. Some good examples of this are name-calling, mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling and degrading or hostile humour. Contempt is regarded to be destructive an...
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HOW TO HALT THE FOUR HORSEMAN OF TOXIC COMMUNICATION – Part One

The Gottman Institute talks about Four Horsemen, which indicate that a relationship is starting to fail. It’s worth being aware of these Four Horsemen and know how to counteract them as they creep into your relationship. Once they get a hold, then frustration, anger and resentment follow them. The earlier that they are addressed, the easier the transition back to a satisfying relationship....
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Why Can't My Partner Understand Me?

Why can't my partner understand where I am coming from? Why do we disagree on so many things? Why can't they see common sense? Your questions answered in this 5-minute video. https://youtu.be/f59UKq1TrEs Want to learn how to be understood and how to better understand your partner? Check out my guide to better communication - https://www.startpointcounselling.com.au/index.php/the-a...
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Eight Connection Tips to Restore Your Relationship Even if You are Busy

Eight Connection Tips to Restore Your Relationship Even if You are Busy Most of us would like life to be fun and enjoyable. But in the pursuit of fun and enjoyment, several responsibilities come into our lives such as work, family, and day to day activities that we need to do to live. To juggle everything, it is tempting to focus on the seemingly urgent and to ignore those things that ...
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Seven Connection Tips for Busy Couples

Are you are feeling tired and overwhelmed? There is a good reason for it. Life as we know it is constantly changing. No longer is work confined to traditional daytime hours. The ability to be in contact constantly with work and the world in general due to the proliferation of phones/mobile computing devices means that there are continuous demands for your attention. Add in relationships, ...
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How Normal Can Create a Relationship Problem

When I'm having a conversation with somebody, there is one significant thing that gets in the way if I'm not careful. Because I experience life looking from the inside out, I am aware of everything that I think, everything that I feel and everything that I see. I am a product of my environment which consists of the family I grew up in, everything that's happened to me in life, and what sense I ...
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Expectations – the Power to Build or Destroy a Relationship

Nobody does anything in this life without starting with expectations about how it should work. From the moment that we get up in the morning until we go to bed, we are constantly having expectations about our day. We expect that we can get to work without having an accident, we have expectations about traffic conditions, expectations about how much work we can get done in the day and so on. Des...
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How to Painlessly Communicate What You Want and Need to Your Partner

Identifying what it is that you are looking for in your relationship is a good first step because most people don’t do this. While they don’t clearly define their expectations, on some level, they’re aware that they’re not getting something met in the relationship. This is what I call unspoken expectations. By making a list of what you want in your current relationship those unspoken expectations ...
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I Love My Partner, But I Am Not in Love with Them

I love my partner, but I am not in love with them, is a common statement that I hear during my work with couples. What exactly do we mean when we say this? The first thing we need to understand is that the word love has multiple meanings and the way we determine what love means is from the context in which it is used. For example, I can use the word love three times in a s...
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