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Relationships

What do you want in 2019?

We are now a few days into 2019 so the enthusiasm of the start of the New Year is probably waning a little bit and the cold hard truth that this is just another year is starting to set in. Same old, same old. But you can change that if you want to. If you want this to be a different year you need to take the first step and clearly define what you want in 2019. I don't mean just some sort of gen...
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How to Painlessly Communicate What You Want and Need to Your Partner

Identifying what it is that you are looking for in your relationship is a good first step because most people don’t do this. While they don’t clearly define their expectations, on some level, they’re aware that they’re not getting something met in the relationship. This is what I call unspoken expectations. By making a list of what you want in your current relationship those unspoken expectations ...
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Resolving the Impact of the Past on Your Relationship

In a relationship facing difficulties, it is common that each partner believes that the other partner is largely responsible for the issues that they have. This is often heard in phrases like “if only you could” or “if only they didn’t” then things would be better. The idea that one partner is heavily contributing to the relationship problems is generally based on the belief that we are normal and...
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I Love My Partner, But I Am Not in Love with Them

I love my partner, but I am not in love with them, is a common statement that I hear during my work with couples. What exactly do we mean when we say this? The first thing we need to understand is that the word love has multiple meanings and the way we determine what love means is from the context in which it is used. For example, I can use the word love three times in a s...
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Do This First If You Want a More Fulfilling Relationship

It is very difficult to arrive at a destination if you don't know where you are going. If I gave you a box and asked you to deliver it to a town out west, you wouldn't simply accept that. You would want to know more details including the name of the town, the street, the street number and to whom you were delivering. However, when it comes to the things that we want in our relationships, we tend ...
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Are Smartphones Damaging Your Relationship?

Smartphone usage is becoming an addiction for many people. So much so that there is now a term for it "Nomophobia" which is the fear of being without a mobile device or out of mobile contact. The addiction exists because of the reinforcing effect of smartphone usage. Compulsive dependence on smartphones appears to deliver a dopamine hit for the brain and dopamine is closely connected to the mo...
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The Answer to this Question Determines What Happens Next

As human beings, we are biologically programmed to be in a relationship, but we are also programmed for self-protection. In many relationships, a tug-of-war exists between these two programs with self-protection often winning out. Because we know that not all relationships are beneficial for us, we approach any relationship with one question in mind. This is a question that we are not conscious...
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When Late Becomes Too Late

April was a sad month. Some couples came to see me in the hopes of repairing their relationship, but they have left things to go to the point that extensive damage has occurred in their relationship. You cannot leave arguments, resentment and bitterness to build in a relationship without it poisoning that relationship. A word readily used to describe this is a toxic relationship. No matter what th...
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Does My Child Need to See a Counsellor?

The lives of children can be quite stressful – there’s the expectations of the school environment, study and exams, friendships and family relationships, and as the child gets older personal development, peer support and self-image. Then there’s the possibility of significant life events –an illness or a death in the family, parents separating and relationship breakups. Some of these events most p...
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How to Stop Re-occurring Relationship Problems

You are born into this world into the arms of your parents (caregivers). Your parents will be your caregivers, teachers, coaches, providers, and protectors until you are ready to leave home. They respond appropriately to you ensuring that your needs are meet both physically and emotionally. As you grow, you use this secure base to explore the world and become independent. You grow into an adult wh...
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